Two Truths and a Dare

There are natural thresholds in our lives that force us to shed something to move forward (e.g., parenthood, a new job, or the loss of a loved one). Then there are self-imposed thresholds where we design checkpoints that force us to decide what we want the future to be like and what we’re willing to do to make it happen.

My favorite story about thresholds is the myth of Inanna.

Innana, Queen of Heaven, descends to the underworld to visit her sister Ereshkigal and attend the funeral of her recently deceased brother-in-law. In order to descend, Innana has to pass through a series of gates, and at each gate, she has to remove one of her royal garments until she is naked and bowed low to the Queen of the Underworld.

At the end of the year, I always go through a phase of contemplation (obsessive reflection?) about the year behind and the year ahead. This year, more than others, I’m reflecting on what I’ve left behind and what I must continue to shed in order to keep growing.

What are the expectations, mindsets, and stories that are holding me back from being the next version of myself?

New Year’s resolutions get a lot of flak, mostly because people are bad at knowing who they are, what they want, and what it takes to achieve their desires. This lack of clarity leads to “goals” about an idealized version of the future that isn’t connected to our most authentic selves or our will to bring things to fruition.

The best version of ourselves is always within us; an intentional life is a process of pruning away the excess, not adding more on. If you want to use the New Year as a threshold that pushes you toward something higher, you must be fearless like Inanna and strip away the things that hinder you, instead of propel you forward.

In order to do that, you have to embrace two truths and a dare. 

Truth: What did the previous year give you?

Before you can intentionally plan for the future, you have to understand deeply where you stand and what got you to this point. The first step in that process is understanding what you gained.

• Did you have goals or expectations for the past year?

  • What are those expectations based on? Are you measuring yourself against yourself or the expectations of others?

• What did you accomplish? Why?

• What are you proud of?

• What did you learn? 

• What did you gain? 

• What was your most significant moment? Why? 

Truth: Where did it fall short?

The next step is to understand what you expected that didn’t happen.

• What did you say you were going to do but didn’t? Why?

• What did you leave behind? 

• How are you different? 

The trick here is not to look at these questions from a deficit mindset. If something didn’t happen, what does that tell you about the way you set your expectations and built your will to achieve them?

Dare: What do you want?

Most of us don’t know what we want. Daring yourself to define what you want is a transgressive act that takes bravery and a strict belief in your worthiness.

Sometimes dares are easier when they come from other people.

I dare you to make a list of 10 things you want in the coming year.

• 3 easy

• 3 stretch

• 3 hard

• 1 miracle

Pay attention to what happens when you make that list. The process of making it is more valuable than the list itself.

What will you give up to get it?

This is where the rubber hits the road. If you are making a vision for your future self that drives you forward, there will inevitably be things you must leave behind to achieve it.

It’s trite, but it’s true: What got you here won’t get you there.

When we set goals and aspire to big things, we have to fundamentally change how we operate to achieve them.

• If you want to run a marathon but aren’t willing to give up sleeping in, it will never happen.

• If you want to go viral but aren’t willing to write more, post more, it will never happen.

• If you want to be a better parent, but aren’t willing to look deeply at your own behavior, it will never happen.

The want has to match the will. Most of the time, we look at our goals and think about what we need to add in order to achieve them, which is why most of them never happen. If you want to achieve your goals, think instead about what you need to shed in order to cross the threshold.

If you're ready to reboot your business in the new year, check out my Freelance Business Reboot program.